POEMS

Music

2006-12-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

Sizzle and shake, the sound the beat makes,
the way the cadence breaks, and I watched you dance.
Closed eyes, show passion , Style and surprise, of the musical enterprise,
that swallows you whole.
Piano notes ring, and out of your throat gleams, the bell of birds, when you sing.
Side to side your hands sway, and glide with your pride, inside , of that wich you composed.
Whistle of the flute and your silver horn tutes, A bolt of music electricutes your spine.
Drums and harps collide, and you're happy to glide, on the smooth ride, of the sizzling bass cleff.
The treble joins in and it puts , Goosebumps on your skin, a pool of arpeggio, jump right on in.
The sound of jazz flows, rythm and blues glows,
rap puts on a show, as soul takes you home,
sizzle and shake , the sound the beat makes, sound the street make, sound your feet make.
The barriers break , with the sound the beat makes, sound the street make, sound your feet make,
the way the music takes.. You!

19 YEARS

2006-12-07T16:51:00.000-08:00

Sitting here thinking about, what i wouldnt give to be like you.
To have that, everyday pain, and common grief.
What i wouldnt give for common grief.
To walk the way you walk, and see things as the beautiful picture that you must paint.
What i wouldnt give for everyday pain. instead of this physical pain of
stress, distress, and emptiness.
Having to FIGHT, and fight, just to have the common pains.
No matter the times i close my eyes and dream to be the same,
i open my eyes to reality, 19 years of different.
And dont say you know how I feel,
only those on this side of the line, know how it feels to fight every day just to survive.
until you have to say "no blood" over, and over, and over again, don't pretend
you know where this side of the line ends!
To do those metophorical situps and pushups, to train for the Pain and heartache that will surely come.
Courage is one of the most , valueable things we must posess, along with faith,
that jehovah will soon do away with these imperfections.
And showing love for those who are there, through the tribulations and trials,
to pick you up when you fall , to build you up when you loose your will,
To cry with you, throughout the times where you can't take it,
When you're crying "why me!?"... "why me"?
To assure you , that you'll live to see tomorrow, when you're not so sure.
to the tips of my fingers i thank those who did that for me.
And those who so soon forget, that i'm different, and treat me as if i am the same,
like i can walk where they walk, and acheive what they acheive.
Nothing can take that gratitude from me.
But sometimes I feel like i'm all alone, like no one knows what it means to be mad at the world,
To SCREAM to the tops of your lungs for a break!
5 minutes from these 19 years.
Cold beds, and perscription meds, clinic visits, Being constantly stared at ,minute, after minute.
Long trips from home, Feeling like you dont belong.
BUT I REFUSE , to stop being strong, I have to be strong,
Because if i'm not, then i've lost.
Because i'm alive, and i thank jehovah for that
19 years, i wouldnt give them back.

Always

2006-12-07T16:29:00.000-08:00

Tick tock, Time is passing us by ,

& the sound of our not-so-togethrness is deafining , bit by bit.

Around the clock we insist we don't want this,

until i got convinced to the point of knowing it's true.

I can't do this anymore, Each time we ignore,

the glances we acentally gave,

I start to regret, and forget each glance that was made.

Until I cease from even looking at you "in that way".

Who's to say how long will be the wait?

The more we try to diffuse speculation by claiming there is nothing,

the more I can truthfully say we're just buddies.

There is no fault to be given. Naturally things progess,

with that certain emptiness, of incredibly bad timing.

The more you say we can't , the more I feel I don't,

Because I have to instill in my mind, that no matter what, I won't.

Two different views on the same situation,

I "WANNA wait", you're "GONNA wait",

those words could be seperated by an entire nation,

of problems & missunderstandings. This whole thing is too demanding,

on my heart and yours.

Because what if u started to love somone,

what would you do then?

See thats the difference, you'd send them away, & i'd let them in.

I refuse to search unless I accidentally stumble upon,

you'll stumble , get up, and continue to run. As hard as it is,

I can't wait in this abyss of unmoveble and sad,

for the most incredible, sweetest, most loving, spiritual, funniest

& most beautiful

............friend,

i hope to always have.

Dreaming

2006-07-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

you close your eyes and think about the things you wish you had,
what you hoped you grow up to become
..... and call it dreaming,
that indefinite smile, that floats you on indefinite clouds,
dont you see in your mind you've succumb to denial,
You call it dreaming,
When I dream, I dream of wings, wings that can take me away from ,me.
Painful traces of abandoned faces, filled with the hatred of incincerity, if i had wings i'd fly away from me ,
.......and call it dreaming.
Tears that fall into a shallow puddle that some call unhappiness,some call regret
and some dont know what they call it...... yet.
A struggle and fight to maintain a smile, through the dark abyss of endless tribulations and trials,
if i had wings i'd fly away from me,
......and call it dreaming. But I don't.
i'd close my eyes and to the end of my mind i would go, for six centuries and when i come back i would know,
that dreaming doesnt mean letting go, it means holding on to things that make you smile,
the things that make the trials and tribulations worth while,
The wrinkles of your grandmother or the laughter of a child. It's not letting go and its not succumbing to denial,
Its a state of me, a state of "be",
Time to wake up to your enimies. Make it your blunt reality,
You say you will?, PROVE IT TO ME,
Stand up and breathe your poetry,
Rejoice for standing on this ground in front of me,
instead of under the grass where our lost ones sleep.
no more dreaming, its time to be awake, to sleep through your problems would be SUCH a mistake.
How much dreaming can one lost soul take?
Open your eyes and wipe the infinite glass, See clearly all of the time that has passed.
And realize, the reality you've created at last, a reality
of what you once called
.... dreaming

The other part of my blog

2006-06-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

http://sarahsothablogtwo.blogspot.com/ Here's where u can find out more about me!

Over

2006-06-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

He fades away..

each night, he fades away.

Little by little he drifts to the fog and leaves me empty handed.

I tried to make him re-appear, but it was shameful and hopeless.

And I'm sorry, waist of my time.

I had to open my hand and set him free, like a caged bird he had to sing.

With me he was silenced.

The pain is emmence but the satisfaction is real.

Satisfaction of his smile now that i've taken away my chains,

wich burdened his feet to the floor.

Its over.

I pretended that I was happy to relive myself

of his eyes that constantly watch my dreams.

But the truth is I hurt.

Realizing you , isn't enough, isnt what was searched for, isnt what was sought.

The truth is I hurt.

it's over.

He never told me the words i waited to hear, So I pretended they were said.

Now I face the non existant words, and embrace their absence.

Tears will come and go like the rain on the pond.

I'll make it through. Because for every rain drop , comes a ray of sun.

And his sun has set. Another has risen to greet the day.

A sun of different contrast and color. That every day grows more bright.

Its over, and a new Begins.

And I dont hurt. Not anymore.

Its over.

And there's nothing I can do, but accept,

this conclusion.

Feel what I feel

2006-06-11T20:06:00.000-07:00

I want you to feel what i feel.

close you eyes and open your mind,

lets see if you're crying like i am, when i read the very last line.

You see my brother left jehovah today. he was the only one i had left,

after one turned his back on me, one ran, one died and the other keeps to himself.

I prayed every day for a brother , and then he came along, you could say he cant be your brother he's not family , but you're wrong.

Because family watches you learn and grow every year of your life,

family is always there to hold your hand and teach you wrong from right.

Family is there to tease you out of love, and make you laugh when you're in need.

these are the things that my pretend brother has always done for me.

now I'd like to take time to flip the script and speak to him right now,,

I couldnt tell him what i feel, this is the only way I know how.

so.. First do you understand that you were the last hope for me,

How could you be like all the rest, i thought it was different with you and me.

18 years being right here and now you decide to go? Who's going to be there for me now?

I have to know cuz, This is just so hard for me, i cant understand you not being around,

to hug me and to tourture me , how will i know if i made you proud.

YOU WERE MY BROTHER, in my heart and spiritually,

but if you dont want to be a brother through jehovah, you cant be a brother to me.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND NOW I CANT TALK TO YOU, When i have so much say,

you didnt even tell me goodbye , not even one goodbye.

YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU WERE LEAVING , I thought i was your little sister you

SAID SO YOUR SELF , but there's no way i could be that to u

when you dont come to me for help.

I could have BEGGED YOU not to ever go, I could have asked you why you went this way,

told you'd i' miss you too much, Or told you I needed for you to stay.

I hate this, what do I have to do, I'll do anything

JUST PLEASE DONT TAKE MY BROTHER AWAY , we had a special thing.

Are you even going to miss me? Please promise me you will.

Dont understand why i want you to promise,

then i want you to feel what I feel.

So.... you sad yet?

you feel like somone's punched you in the chest?

you give up on ever having a big brother, because of being heartbroken by all the rest?

because THATS HOW I FEEL.

how can i ever belive in men, until the earth is a paradise,

and I see my real brother again.

and i pray that when he gets here, that he will please love me,

since the only time i've ever seen him is in my dreams. do you feel what i feel? do you understand why i'm crying, have you ever felt what I feel... no?.

you're lying.

Forgotten

2006-06-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

I, Feel forgotten.

His words are frayed. I've read him the story of my life,
Every single page. I'd have to walk a thousand miles to reside in his memory,
Since we are worlds apart, there's no way he can remember me. His eyes match my eyes, his sadness maches mine
together we breathe when we cry and cry. When he is happy I feel over joyed, when he's silent, I hear absence of noise. We became one,
but it seems now we are two, I hate that number, I feel that it's lonley. Dont you? I, feel forgotten, Another is fire in my rain
, And I fight, to keep from faning the flame, Yet , every day it seems that he speaks another name.
He ran from me, he made sure I was yesterday, and she, and her, and her and her, became his today. Yet of course
I made sure to stay. Beliving that sooner or later he would look back my way. Anyway, He became a man of two souls. One who seemed to
shared my interests and goals
and another who cheapens my personality with jokes.Who claims my song is full of sharp and wrong notes
If i could take away a peice of him i'd leave it all, He became small,
and i'm 10 ft tall.
I, feel forgotten, she faded into fog and left me in the darkened , unbearable smog. Two people who were once
so right, She is detrmined to make it more and more wrong every single night. Every call she doesnt make, every picture she doesnt take.
Every smile she doesnt show, every problem she doesnt know. So, Whats left? But peices of a puzzle
that no longer fit, an answer you thought you had, but wasnt really it.
I feel, forgotten, and this, I can say, Family isn't always the safest way. We grow as one mind, but
you come to find , She wants to go and leave you behind, she calls you a sinner and judges all in her path,
no man , woman, child , or beast can hide from her wrath. We are all to violent,
our music will shatter our minds, so she closes herself tightly behind enemy lines. HOW do you look at me and see
a bad story, who made you the one who decides who gets all the glory?
You are not capeable of telling me who I am, I'm fine. It's you who should make better use of your time.
I,feel forgotten. words to write by. But after all, they are just words. and Im right aren't I?
To you who's eyes match mine, I swear i'll keep wishing you'll one day be by my side, I know its not by choice that you are not here today,
You're such a big part of me and i'l always think of you that way.
To you who became two souls, I leave these words just to let you know.
you're not some gift, to me or her or her or she, Realize that, and you'll find a way back to me.
To you who makes it worse every day, I, cant even find the words to say, anytime you choose to remember me,
i'll provide all the things you need to create a memory. Though it may be wise to foget you the same way, i choose not to,
I choose to pray, for the day. For when the time comes and you come right here to stay.
At last for You, who says i'm a bad story, If its the last thing I do you wont ignore me.
You've no idea of the pain you face. if you keep walking around in your own empty space.
Apologize for cutting us down, and i promise we'll bury it all, right here and right now.
I spoke these words. Miss me, Love me, Come back for me,though they are nothing new. For the last thing I would want
is to have forgotten you.

I think you're beautiful

2005-12-07T10:39:00.000-08:00

Beautiful,
the definition of a hand, with the ability to hold the entire world in it's palms,

a description of eyes,

that can peirce even the hardest of hearts.

Eyes with the ability to see through any wall that stands between you and I.

Beautiful words spoken from the lips of an angel

with a voice that can sing the song of our past present and future.

A voice that can ease any mind,on the hardest of days.

I think you're beautiful, thats what I think.

I belive every word you say, and I keep any secret you tell.

So what kind of a man is Beautiful?

You, who can't control the ammount of emence beauty tht you contain,

beauty is a man who has all the reason to make a lost soul found

so, find me.

Because I think you're beautiful. Beauty is you.

A beautiful mind and a beautiful smile, Beautiful courage and beautiful insanity.

You are insane with pride, deserving of all that you gain.

What you gain is greatness and poetry. What kind of a man is beautiful?

Beauty is you, I think you're Beautiful

But he wants you

2005-12-07T10:24:00.000-08:00

I tried to hold his hand
and he pulled away,
he just looked away into the cloudless skies.
I tried to touch his face and he moved away,
and I felt i was dead inside.
You see he said "I cant hold your hand,
and i can't touch you because you know who's in my heart".
My heart was shattered beyond belief,
more than great minds can fathom.

The reason I felt the sun would never shine again,

Why I felt my poetry for him bleeds,

Is because I realized , he's perfect,

He's a poet, a musician,

A warrior and a King, he's loving,

dont forget funny,

and would never do anything to break somone's heart,

no not the the one he loves, not the one he wants.

But... He wants you.

No matter the love I bestow,

or the love I show, he wants you.

He says "I want her only her".

And the earth stands still for me. He is SO unreasonable,

Please god, Let him just give me a chance,

a chance for a romance she could never give,

an eternity she could never live, and I Promise ,

i'll dedicate my life to your hands!

If i could just hug him, he would see, he would want me,

but... he wants you.

How could you inhale my breath,

steal my dream, love my angel, MY ANGEL!

HE WANTS YOU?

And no matter what I do,No matter the tears, I

sit here and cry in your face,

you're going to walk away arent you.

You're going to go to him, You're going to hug him,

and hold him, and steal my sanity away.

He wants you, he just, wants you.

But I love him, Just remember, If you hurt him,

I'll strangle you with the strength of a thousand hands,

be cause i'm the one who wants him!

I'M the one who calls out his name!

I'M the one who needs him.

ME!

But .. He wants you, instead.

Fell In Like

2005-12-07T10:15:00.000-08:00

One moment,

that remains undefined,

a sudden increase of emotion in my mind,

that over took my smile, your beauty and style,

The beginning of the end of my denial.

I'm guilty of not knowing what I wanted,

And im guilty of not treating your right,

but somewhow you managed to overtake me,

and I fell in like with you tonight.

In like is thinking about you, In like is dreaming about you,

and wondering what my scene, of incredible being,

would have turned out to be without you.

The way you breathe is a story , the way you cry is a song.

The smell of your hair, and the scent of your air,

makes up your sweet cologne.

In like is understanding, and knowing,

that you're just a little more than a friend, In like is your hands,

that give me a chance, a chance to begin once again.

In like is laughing about you, not being happy without you ,

realizing my name just doesnt sound the same,

if everyone says it except you. I fell in like with you tonight,

wich means we'll always be friends, i'd be the one you speak to,

about how another girl completes you,

and still encourage you to love her again and again.

Because in like is being unselfish about you,

in like is not jelous and spiteful, its you being happy with or without me,

as long as you're happy, its rightful.

I'm guilty of not knowing what

I wanted and i'm guilty of not treating you right,

but somehow you managed to overtake me,

and I fell in Like with you tonight.

I quit you

2005-11-08T20:39:00.000-08:00

I quit,

I quit eyes and ears , stupid ears.

I dont even want to hear what you have to say,

I quit smiles and laughs, annoying laugh. It always rubbed me the wrong way.

I give up, on your words and your secrets, stupid secrets,

I oughta tell all of them too, I give up on your poetry and your songs,

because your poetry was heartless , just, like, you.

Your songs tell the tale of an imprisoned male, and your melodies all sound the same.

I quit our memories, who remembers you anyway?

Only faint pictures of you remain. Surrounded by Peace ,

I cant belive i didnt think, of this earlier , i would have saved alot of time.

You dont even care that its like you were never there , you dont feel hurt,

Here you can borrow mine.

I quit your hands, dirty old hands, hands that hold on to what I would like to have back,

My time, my effort, my poems, and my thoughts,

so I can stay here with level head in tact. I give up on your voice, that over exerted voice,

does your throat hurt from all the crap you say?

Seemingly it should because your words are no good,

just something to take all my hopes away.

I quit , every time I stood up for you, and said

"oh no, he's Really not that daft , seriously".

But whatever there was, or wasnt, or would have been ,

I guess it just wasnt meant to be. I give up , and I quit,

every time I closed my eyes and thought about how great you are.

Thinking you're so wonderful that the only thing that

could over shadow you is the moon and stars.

I quit everything but our friendship, thats all that's worth, saving here to me,

And I think that someday these flimsy chains that connect us will finally set us free.

So Even though it was hard,

well not really that hard if I'm going to be honest and true,

I had to do what i had to do, so ,

I quit you.

Our Dance

2005-10-19T12:05:00.000-07:00

In a dream is where "we" began,

But reality does not recognize our song.

So although when i dream, we have an eternal dance,

When i awake, i am alone.

What intense defines, is our hurt filled eyes,

And silent cries for the hand we cant seem to hold.

we cant seem to touch unless i close my eyes,

and we arrive in a ballrom of our souls. the song that plays ,

tells of an eternal blaze, of a fire between to smiles,

Trapped in our own bliss , we danced in our wish,

and stayed there for just a little while.

When i return to real, i am alone still , my thoughts are ,

as always, swept away.

Memory collapes, and the fantasy traps us.

and The sun is in haze once again.

Our secret dance, is that of an eternal trance ,

incredible beauty and smooth harmony,

Deep understanding, of all our minds are demanding,

our dance is an escape for "we". But when i see your face, in this reality place,

You seem to be a stranger to me.

My fantasy you , Is the definition of untrue,

its something i wish you could be. you're A writer,

A poem, you're a masterpiece, and a song.

A dream, in a beautiful ballrom scene,

where only

"we" and our dance belong.

The Situation Poet

2005-06-05T23:02:00.000-07:00

I was stuck in a situation love,

that could potentially break me,

until a poet's hand appeared and offered to take me.

desperate to be delivered from my situation, my fingers laced his,

But let me tell you how deep THIS situation gets.

This poet is what i've only thought was a dream,

because of his undeniable connection to me, My thoughts were his thoughts,

when i walked, he walked, and when ever we wanted to talk, we'd talk.

This new situation , entered my spine, sent a chill to my heart and ignited,

when his eyes met mine.

But you see, you can have all the fire in the world,

doesnt' change the fact that we are still young, i'm still just a girl.

My situation love that the poet delivered me from, fizzled because,

I fell too hard, too young.

And I feel like this bond is way too strong, To end up just another situation left alone,

or another page of lyrics with no song.

The situation poet has to understand,

That I want nothing more than to hold on to his hand,

Please dont get tired of feeling my indefinite touch,

And cause me to flee from you because of your pointless rush.

Because i couldnt deal with loosing another situation,

The situatiom poet must give me his trust,

and his word,

of a friendship, for us.

Be Strong

2005-04-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

She whispered to me, "Be strong" .

I didnt know what she meant, what her words entailed.

"Be strong?" When did I become so weark,

When did i become the one who needed to hear her silent whisper?

She whispered to me "Survive". But, aren't I alive?

Am I weak and entitled to die?

Why does she whisper these words that cause my mind to fright,

My lungs to divide, My pulse to quicken,

and my heart to flutter?

Soon she returned to my ear and let down a tear and she whispered

"Be kind". Kind? Am I an angry soul?

Am I crazy and mad, angry and judgmental?

And why does she cry when she closes her eyes and whispers these words?

I'm scared of time.

The furture, The coming sunset and sunrise.

But I slept , and she arrived, in my dream as beautiful as rain,

and she whispered to me, "Fight".

And it all became clear, I must be strong to fight,

and i must Fight to survive, and to survive my eyes, must be kind.

She whispered, and she Whispered ,

And she whispered,

"Be strong".

Cry

2005-04-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

Cry,

You make me cry. Why?

Because of your silent lies. And because of your infinite ties,

to my, lips hands, smile and eyes.

Cry, when i think of you I cry, Why?

Because of your beautiful surprise, Because you , continue to improve my life

so I cry, Your smile makes me cry, and sigh, when i feel your words inside,

because you always find a way to make me cry.

Why? Do I deserve these thoughts when I look in your eyes?

Do I deserve these feelings you continue to deny?

Cry. You cause my cries, wich ties you to my battles and fights ,

between you and him and him and me, and my cries and I .

You make me cry, Why? You cause me to eternally die.

Why? You stole my will to try,

and Might to keep my dreams alive,

So I strive, to burn so my fire wont shy, from reaching the skies,

Cry, you make me cry.

IF.....

2005-04-01T10:39:00.000-08:00

If i would have been there,

would you have known somehow?

Would you have fought harder to be here with me , right now?

If I had called you more grandpa, would you be too busy to smoke?

Would you be too busy talking to me to let go and give up hope?

If I had prayed for you more, would god hav epaid the most attention to you?

If I would have talked to you more about the bible, would you have been praying too?

If I JUST could have told you i belived in you!

Would you vow to stay healthy for me?

Because knowing I belived so hard, made you start to belive?

I feel like there's so much more, that we all could have done,

But I realize that the decision is not ours,

you , were the only one.

So If I would have done all these things, If I would have tried,

Would you still be here, or, would you still have died?

If I could turn back the earth,

to tell you one last thing, I'd say,

If you try to HARD enough grandpa,

You could stay here with me.

You Are

2005-04-01T10:32:00.000-08:00

Impossible things

are not so impossible if you say their not,

because you can accomplish anything, you are strong, you are real.

Permanent things are not so permanent if you dont believe they are ,

because I know you can change anything, you are smart, you are imaginative.

Ugly things are, Not ugly at all , if you dont see them that way,

because you can make anything beautiful, you are pure, you are grace.

Today's end hasnt come yet, because you havn't yet sung,

You are yesterday, you are tomorrow

. A broken heart isnt so broken, if you mend it's shatter

beause you can fix anything , you are compassion, you are love.

You are heart, you are soul, you are the start,

you are the finish, the begining , the end, but what you arent ,

the one thing you are not,

is mine.

Untitled

2005-04-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

I stopped breathing,

because every breath brings pain.
I stopped the clouds,

because every cloud brings rain,
I stopped closing my eyes

because the darkness is there waiting fo me,
to enclose my mind in a prison, and entrap me in my insanity.
I stopped crying ,

because I can never seem to stop,
I stopped hurting a little,

because a little brings alot.
I stopped my heart from beating,

because every beat reminds me of my heart break,
every beat is your voice ,

and your voice is attacked by my hate.

The Way You Whisper

2005-04-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

The way you whisper.
it chills my spine, it brings me to life,
and brightens my eyes.
The way you whisper, has the ability to chase my dreams,
the ability to do the impossible,
the ability to stop time.
The way you whisper, it makes my smile endless,
It makes my tears invisible, and my
laughter filled with sincerity.
The way you whisper, has the ability to open me up,
the ability to tell my secrets,
and reveal the inner me.
The way you whisper, Shames those
who speak out loud , It
makes room for joy,
It delete's all the pain.
The way you whisper, is what i love most,
is what I need the most.
So never stop whispering my heart,
continue to whisper my name.

Big Brother

2005-04-01T09:28:00.000-08:00

I know you can not hear me,

or read these very words I write,

But I wanted you to know, that I thought of you tonight.

I thought about how different, my life would be if you were here,

How a part of life I never exeperienced,

would be complete and secure.

But, You aren't here and I won't see you for a while.

I won't know how you laugh, I won't see the way you smile.

I never got to see you, the color of your eyes,

The color of your hair,

and much to my surprise, I never really felt LOVE for you,

But It hurts that you're not here,

I have a picture of who you are in my head, that's becoming

More And More unclear. I wonder if you looked like me?

If you liked to sing, or read . I wonder if you like chocolate,

Iv'e never heared you breathe. I've never felt your hand, closely griping mine.

I've never seen how you get mad at me,

I 've never heared you cry. I want you to know this though,

you have 4 sisters waiting for you, Waiting to see your face,

when the world is new, I will then be able to have something

I never had before, Somone to teach me to fight, Play ball, and so much more.

You know, Mom talks about you sometimes, she misses you so much.

There's a place in her heart for you, none of us can touch.

She get's sad, around the time of your birthday, She doesn't have to tell me,

I can see it in her eyes that way. I'm sorry, that I don't think of you that much,

Please dont' hate me for that, I don't know what to think of,

I don't know How to act. Please don't be mad, that I never cried for you,

or that I decieded to write this, Only out of the blue.

Please don't hate me, because I say none, when asked how many brothers I have.

I wonder if you were funny, And would have liked to make me laugh.

You were so young, when you went away,

I never got to hug you, or see you every day. I've NEVER hugged my brother,

or even felt his skin, and it makes me CRAZY sometimes!

I just can't win! I can't wait to see you, and to shake your hand.

To tell you that I love you, to see you become a man.

So when you see us again, Your dad, 4 sisters , and your mother.

I'll reach out my hand to you, "Hello, you must be ,

My big brother".

YESTERDAY

2005-04-01T09:22:00.000-08:00

It wasn’t like this yesterday,
Yesterday there was no you.
Yesterday, I was cold,
Yesterday I was blue.

No, It wasn’t like this Yesterday,
Yesterday I didn’t believe,
My Dreams held only Hopes,
Because my hopes,
were only dreams.

Yesterday, I prayed for miracles ,
For a Love I would fall in to,
But Yesterday I stopped
because Today,
You came true.

It wasn’t like this Yesterday,
Yesterday the flowers
Would not bloom,
The grass would not grow,
And the smog
eclipsed the moon.

No, It wasn’t like this Yesterday,
Yesterday I was blue,
Yesterday, I was cold,
Because Yesterday,
There Was no
you.

APOLOGY

2005-04-01T09:20:00.000-08:00

" I'm sorry",

Two words peple use way too comonly,

words used to get out of things they've done, and it's too easy if you ask me.

So I'm not going to say those words, while staring and listening,

as I look into the mirror, and give myself, a long apology.

Well first Sarah, I know you must be worndering how come I dress the way I do,

How come I feel insecure in my pants and leather shoes.

Well , this is because i'm so different, That it's so hard to bare.

But I apologize for feeling that , because I know sometimes life just isn't fair.

And I apologize for ruining you, with curling irons and Fake tatoo's,

And for not thinking, before I do something so stupid to you.

I apologize for causing you trouble, And sending you to the emergency room,

Maybe things would have been different, if I had taken better care of you.

Please forgive me for saying, that I hated you sometimes.

And for trying to reach your goals, and never reaching them in time.

I apologize for getting sick and restraining you to bed. Forgive me ,

for every thought of hatred, swiming in your head.

I apologize for walking in front of the mirror, and avoiding looking at tyou. And for not sleeping, as Much as I know I need to. BUT YOU'VE SEEN the dreams

I've had that keep me awake at night. I'm not here to make excuses,

I'm here to make things right.

And I apologize for lying to you, when I said you weren't smart.

For saying, Love, wasn't in your heart. Because you ARE intellegent,

and as loving as they come, So forgive me,

Cuz sometimes I , am the stupid one. So Sarah,

This is all, I think that I wanted to say, Please forgive everything,

That i've asked of you today.

And As I walk away from the mirror please walk away in me.

Let this bring us together,

Yes, My apology.